Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims
How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like "Brats," "Bullies," or "Mean and Selfish"? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today's media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America's so-called "out-of-control" children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to the problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing the very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong. In Robert Shaw's book, The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children, he asserts that "Our culture no longer offers what children need to truly thrive." That is, some children are so unruly because society has unknowingly taught them to act this way Getting Down to the Root of the Problem The "epidemic" that Shaw discusses is a result of a deeply rooted social system called Authoritarianism, which is a system of behaviors that manipulate and control through pain and humiliation. These behaviors include blaming, shaming, preaching, moralizing, accusing, ridiculing, belittling, evaluating, labeling, threatening, judging, and punishing - all bullying behaviors. These behaviors disrespect, discourage, and devalue the person to whom they are directed. When such authoritarian behaviors are imposed on children, the end result is usually a loss of dignity and self-respect. Instead of helping them overcome their problems, these methods only make children feel worse about themselves, causing them to react by displaying the same authoritarian behaviors. Authoritarian behaviors are so deeply rooted that even professional advocates who speak out against bullying resort to using the same tactics. For example, on an episode of his TV. show, Dr. Phil McGraw interviewed a teenage girl who was being verbally and physically abused by other girls at school. Since the accused girls refused to appear on the program, Dr. Phil delivered a message to them by looking and speaking directly into the camera. When he began to ridicule the accused girls and call them names, the audience immediately applauded and cheered with approval. Both Dr. Phil and his audience were advocating the very same behaviors that he was speaking against. Bullying is so deeply rooted in today's society, that it now seems reasonable. Adding to our trouble, our nation as a whole has a reputation of being a bully because of our authoritarian behaviors. In fact, The San Francisco Chronicle recently ran an article entitled "9/11 Reminds Chinese of America, a Global Bully." In the article a student at the Beijing Institute of Science said, "America is a bully, so when someone hits back, it feels good." When bullying is directed at children, the cycle continues. Many bullied children end up being bullies themselves because "it feels good," causing others to feel like victims for much of their life. It's Time for a Behavior Check The fact is that children learn from modeled behaviors. While it is true that some children are, as the media says, "out-of-control," they did not end up that way by themselves. Children are who they are because of their environment. They learn how to act by watching the people who are closest to them. The behaviors they see are the behaviors they will take on. This being said, if we truly want to help a child make a change for the better, we must first take a closer look at our own actions and behaviors. Ask yourself the following questions: - What kind of behaviors am I displaying in front of children?
- Are these the same behaviors I want them to show toward others?
It is Up to Us Fortunately, alternatives to authoritarian behaviors exist. We are not powerless in our struggle for social change. Many child advocates not only speak out against these behaviors, but they also offer effective solutions that create physically and emotionally healthy children. World-renowned experts and authors such as Alfie Kohn, Beyond Discipline, From Compliance to Community; Roger Schank, Coloring Outside The Lines; and David Elkind, The Hurried Child are social heroes of our time. They have been speaking out against the injustices of our system for many years, and their wisdom is bringing about a social change we desperately need. The problems with America's children may seem overwhelming at times, but there are proven solutions. By changing our childcare practices and behaviors, we can restructure our nation's intellectual, economic, physical, political, moral, and emotional values. Children are at the mercy of the people responsible for their care. Instead of speaking out against our children, we need to be friendly with them, and speak up for them. It is up to us to make a difference in their lives. About The Author Dawn Fry is the founder and CEO of Helping Our Children Productions, a publishing company that provides educational CD's giving practical help to families and childcare professionals. Ms. Fry has more than 60,000 hours of professional experience working with children. Dawn@DawnTalk.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Yoga controversy gaining attentionWatertownDailyTimes.com, United States - 7 hours agoBy LORI SHULL MASSENA — Debate over the high school's suspended classroom yoga program is putting the town on the map. The story has gained attention across ... |
What yoga can do for youInquirer.net, Philippines - 23 hours agoAnd where there are millions of people whose lives have been transformed, or at the very least, improved by the practice of yoga, then you know that ... |
Yoga Clinic for RunnersKBCI CBS 2, ID - 58 minutes agoBy Tara Mussulman Topic: Come find out how cross training with yoga can enhance your running and keep you running for life. Bio: Shannon Wells-Femenia, CMT, ... |
• Yoga can build a better runnerThe Post-Standard - Syracuse.com, NY - 5 hours agoIf you have still not signed on to the benefits of yoga as a runner, here are some reminders as to why you should jump on the wagon. ... |
Marcia Cross favours yogaTotally Fitness Health and Fitness news, UK - 4 hours agoDesperate Housewives star Marica Cross revealed that she is regularly practices yoga to keep her trim figure. The actress who plays Bree in the show said ... |
Yoga in class ties some in knotsChicago Tribune, United States - Oct 6, 2008Parents and religious leaders in upstate New York are up in arms over a public school district offering yoga instruction to students, claiming it violates ... |
Yoga for Golfers classes offeredChattanooga Times Free Press, TN - 12 hours agoSome golfers today are turning to yoga for both an edge in their game and for some relief from soreness the next day. ClearSpring Yoga on North Market ... |
Yoga - Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Parents/Teens and Money - 5 Ideas for Keeping the Peace
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices. It can be difficult to find contentment when a newer, better, faster gizmo of the moment hits the market every day.
Encouraging Your Child to Write
How in the world do you get your child to write? This is the battle cry of many parents. A lot of imagination, with a little bribery (or praise) is all you need to get your child writing.
Got To, Get To - Change The Way Your Family Thinks
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the waythat I, and my family, think about life. The story is asfollows:There was once a high-powered woman in her 30s who ran herown company and was massively successful in business.
Is My Child Lazy?
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do some children move as if in slow motion? Is this normal or are they just trying to irritate you? You may be surprised to learn that a great many factors come into play when a child appears to be lazy; stage of growth, hormones, hunger, motivation, lack of clear directions and maybe even sleep deprivation.I have never taught my workshop of "Kids, Chores & More" when there hasn't been at least two parents of 11 year old boys lamenting that their sons are so lazy.
"I'M OVERWHELMED" -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want to feel more relaxed and empowered raising your child? Working parents, stay-at-home parents, visiting parents - it doesn't matter which one you are because these days almost every parent feels overwhelmed by their daily day. Parents every day experience anxiety, stress and despondency because they feel as if they are losing control of their natural balance.
Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home Moms, Lets Stop Debating Each Other and Debate the System Instead!
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I received money every time I've heard a woman say, "I wish I could afford to stay at home full time." Sometimes you can recognize a few working women making this statement to avoid judgment from the stay-at-home parenting world (and they shouldn't feel this way).
Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average college student takes 5.3 years to earn a 4-year Bachelor's degree.
The ADHD Parents Guide: Questions for the School
Here is something that you might want to keep if you are thinking about changing your child's school next fall or if you are planning to have your child tested by the school in the near future. Let me say this, if you are planning to have your child tested by your district, do not put off doing the paperwork.
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid ThemDid you know1 out of 5 kids has been sexually solicited online1 out of 4 kids has been sent a picture of naked people or people having sex onlinethat May 21, 2002 there was the first death of a child linked directly to an Internet Predator?Parents' biggest concern about the Internet used to be pornography, but there is definitely a greater fear today.You have probably taught your child not to talk to strangers, and in many situations, they would remember this.
Should The Dad-To-Be Attend The Birth?
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and down outside the labor room and would be admitted only after the birth. Modern practice is to assume the dad-to-be should be at the birth to offer support.
Keep the Little Ones Safe, Follow Pool Safety Guidelines
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent out there. If you are lucky enough to own an above ground pool or inground pool, you know there are certain safety precautions you must take to protect your children and the children of your friends and neighbors.
Parenting Your Teenager: How to Build Trust
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend Jenny?''``No, not after you came home late last night.''``Well, everyone else gets to.
Parenting Your Teenager: What Teens Say About Parents
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying to control you.Parents not understanding the things you have to deal with.
Mothers Day Tribute
As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a different perspective to ponder.Being a parent and a mother are not necessarily the same.
SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family.
Character Education
Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits. One way to supplement your child's character education is to act as a filter for the movies and television shows your child watches, and to review the books your child reads.
Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims
How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like "Brats," "Bullies," or "Mean and Selfish"? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today's media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America's so-called "out-of-control" children.
5 Tips for Improving Communication With Your Teenager
Parents are always looking for ways to open up the communication with their teenagers. Here are 5 ideas that are all within your control.
So, My Child Has Been Recommended for Testing - What Do I Do Now?
You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As your blood pounds in your ears, you hear her explain how she has noticed your child having difficulty with some academic subject in school.
Shopping with Children
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute chore ! or are you happy to take them along?Lots of moms don't have any choice in the matter, if they don't own a car it can be sheer agony waiting at bus stops then struggling on and off buses with kids and a pushchair.Gone are the days when a helping hand was offered, and if the bus is full, no gallant young man will jump up and offer his seat to the harassed mom.
|
