More than Mom and Dad
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It makes a family. So why does it seem the moment you have a baby, love, or at least your love life as you know it, goes right up in a cloud of baby powder? Let's face it, you're tired, you're overwhelmed, and there's a good chance you're wearing baby spit-up on the shoulder of your blouse. Obstetrician and gynecologist, Laura Filojek McKain explains another reason why many new moms have lost that loving feeling. "New babies are demanding. They require round-the-clock attention and a great deal of physical contact. This can be both physically and emotionally draining. When you finally have a moment to yourself, you may need a break from intense physical attachment..." New moms have the added challenge of contending with very powerful physical changes and hormonal shifts as their bodies' transition back to a non-pregnant state. Shifting Sand Having a baby changes everything, including your relationship with your partner. While ideally the ultimate in bonding, having a baby is also a major life altering experience and can cause strain in even the best of relationships. In the early, often overwhelming days of new parenthood, it's easy to get so wrapped up in your fascinating newborn that other parts of your life are neglected. When it's hard enough trying to work a shower into your daily routine, it seems nearly impossible to worry about anything of less urgency than a hungry baby. The good news is the hormonal shifts, physical fatigue, and blinding obsession with your newborn (well, at least the hormonal shifts and physical fatigue) are temporary. But in the meanwhile, how do you retain a close connection with your partner? And why is it so important? Making Marriage a Priority Statistics show that better than half of all new parents experience a decline in marital satisfaction following the birth of a child, with nearly 1/3 of all divorces occurring within the first five years of a child's life. Similar decline is reported following the birth of each subsequent child. Does that mean having children will be detrimental to your marriage? No. It does mean, however, many new parents develop unhealthy ways of relating, or not relating, after children come along. The downside of blinding obsession with your children is the tendency to neglect other facets of your life, which might include your partner. Without communication and team work, mom may feel overwhelmed and unappreciated, while dad is left feeling the odd man out unnecessary except to give a break to mom's tired arms. Neither of these are a prescription for closeness. The lack of relating that starts as a simple survival instinct can easily become habit as babies become toddlers and preschoolers making new demands on your time. In the absence of regular, conscious maintenance, parents may drift apart without even realizing what's happened until they see the gulf between them. Survey Says University of Washington doctoral student Alyson Shapiro, and renowned marital researcher, John Gottman, PhD., found three core concepts that successfully help couples make the transition from partners to parents in their study, "The baby and the marriage: identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives" in the Journal of Family Psychology (Vol. 14, No. 1): - Building fondness and affection for your partner.
- Being aware of what is going on in your spouse's life and being responsive to it.
- Approaching problems as something you and your partner have control of and something you can solve together as a couple.
Take Time to Date and Relate Combat new parent stress by using the postpartum period to foster intimacy with your partner. Think a baby-sitter is a luxury? Think again. A happy marriage equals happy parents. By nurturing your connection with each other, you directly impact the future happiness and emotional well-being of your child. Schedule a date with your partner to help rekindle those feelings that made you a couple before it made you mom and dad. Not ready to leave baby yet? You don't have to. Hire a sitter to entertain your wee one, and stay home and spend an uninterrupted evening together with your partner. The object isn't to get away from baby; it's to spend quality time together as a couple. Remember the things you liked to do together before you became parents. Laugh together. Have a conversation about something other than the color of the contents of your baby's last dirty diaper. Most importantly, throw out any preconceived notions you might have about life with your new baby. The realities of every day parenting often fall short of the blissful images cultivated by the media and our own minds. Both parenting and partnering are hard work. Unrealistic expectations of a utopian Gerber baby existence will prevent you from seeing the true joy of new parenthood, which, like childbirth itself, it as messy as it is beautiful. About The Author Barbara Eastom Bates is the author of the upcoming release, "Basic Training for Brides-to-Be," and editor-in-chief of Operation Military Spouse, http://www.operationmilitaryspouse.com. opmilspouse@yahoo.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Yoga therapy for stressed out motormenTimes of India, India - 5 hours agoThe railways have now tied up with an NGO to study the effect of regular yoga on the health of stressed out motormen. Kaivalyadhama Yoga Institute ... |
Yoga with a kickKOLD-TV, AZ - 11 hours agoBy Jenny Anchondo - email If you're tight and lack overall flexibility, the last thing you should attempt is yoga, right? Wrong. ... |
Hatha yoga at Rowley Public LibraryIpswich Chronicle, USA - 4 hours agoThe Rowley Public Library offers a mixed level Hatha yoga class for adults of all fitness levels Wednesdays Sept. 3-Oct. 29, 5:30-6:45 pm, in the Community ... |
Yoga at the River’s Edge continuesMarshfield Mariner, USA - 9 hours agoNorth and South Rivers Watershed Association’s Yoga at the River’s Edge series will continue through Sept. 20. Weekly classes, taught by certified yoga ... |
Nikita, not dressed for the occasion?Times of India, India - 1 hour agoYoga guru Yogi Ashwini recently organised a spiritual healing session to promote the practice of yoga. Former Miss India-Universe Nikita Anand rued that she ... |
24 activities in 24 hoursThe Gazette (Montreal), Canada - 1 hour agoI'm not big on exercise routines, but an outdoor yoga session sounded like a work-out I could handle. Many Montreal studios offer summertime outdoor yoga ... |
Yoga - Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Understanding A Childs Beliefs, Nuturing Young Beliefs
Children are moral and make moral determinations..
A New Dad To Be? Deer in the headlights?
Ok. So you're a dad to be.
Family Meetings 101
Family meetings provide opportunities for feelings to be aired and validated. They also allow younger children to feel they are an important part of the decision-making process when it comes to family vacations and other major and minor family functions.
The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children
What you say and do about money has a profound influence on your child. There are money moments every day that you can use to teach your children important skills and lessons about life.
The 5 Babysitter Commandments
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes a dangerous thing to do because the babysitter is the person that will be alone with your kid. Here are some ideas about your relationship with the babysitter.
A Quiz for Parents: What Are They REALLY Learning?
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment from school.
How Do I Get My Child to Read?
Well first off, please to don't institute the ½ hour of mandatory reading that so many schools and parents are so keen on these days. You want to encourage a life-long love of reading and frankly you would be much more likely to succeed by banning reading in your house then by turning reading into yet another chore that needs to be done.
Give Your Child Life Skills for a Lifetime
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on the fast track to success, and one such solution is not usually far from home. It is your local martial arts school.
Top 25 Children Quotations
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Diagnosing ADHD in Your Child, an Introduction
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children or adults is going to have their own opinion on how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADD or ADHD - should be diagnosed. Some clinics take the perspective that "more is good," and will recommend a large battery of tests, often costing many thousands of dollars.
Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Dealing with Bad Report Cards
One of the basic issues we need to understand is that parents and teens view school very differently. This is important because often we believe that our kids look at school the same way we do.
Your Big Yellow Bus
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road again. The neighborhood kids seem happy.
Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons
When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know whether to send your child to daycare or not. We have provided many of the pros and cons of sending your child to daycare for your consideration.
Parenting Your Teenager: The Bottom Line Issues
Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what are the typical bottom-line issues?A.
ZERO Tolerance: How Firm the Line?
A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of marijuana smoke that circled up and into to her kitchen window from the neighbor's driveway during the warm summer nights. The neighbor's teenagers and their friends were smoking out in the driveway.
How Do You Find the Best Car Seat to Protect Your Child
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is a prime consideration for any new parent. To give your child the best chance of escaping injury in the event of a collision, you'll need to a car seat suited to your child's age and weight.
What Is Homeschooling And How Do I know If Its Right For My Family?
Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander Graham BellGeorge PattonAlbert EinsteinBenjamin FranklinWinston ChurchillAgatha ChristieGeorge Bernard ShawWill RogersIf you guessed that they were all homeschoolers, you'd be correct. This is a very short list of famous and successful people who were educated at home.
Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity
Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called me today and told me a very troubling story.
Teach Children The Skills Of Optimism
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than pessimists.Helping your child look on the bright side is a significant life skill to develop.
Advantages of Using a Board Certified Pediatrician
When a child is born, a new number is added to the parental speed dial. When a child wakes his parents up in the middle of the night, there is one person that they know they can turn to for the answers.
|
