So, The Thing Is... Im Feeling A Little Guilty
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty. I know, I know, what's new? I'm like the travel agent for guilt trips. Right now I'm feeling a little guilty because I am so madly in love with my little Smiley Jane, who turns two-years-old today. I mean, REALLY crazy about her. I can't keep my hands off of her. Her smile just lights up my whole world and that laugh-gosh, if I could bottle that baby deep-belly laugh, I would be the richest woman in the world. It's hard to capture the essence of Jane's personality with words. I can't really describe that sense of perpetual motion, that blinding smile. It's like she is lit from within, and I think that light is joy and enthusiasm and awe for this world. She's so loving and so happy (even with that awesome temper) and then you add that baby skin and that wall-to-wall smile and the next thing you know, I am feeling guilty! I can remember going through this phase with Ana (now four-and-a-half) too, although she was never quite so over-the top at loving me back as Jane is. But there was no need to feel guilty because she was my first. I just totally indulged myself in a big crush on my girl. But with Jane, there's this vague sense that maybe I'm being somehow unfair. Like maybe my infatuation with her takes something away from Ana. And it's true, you know. I am NOT madly infatuated with Ana at the moment. I LOVE her and I appreciate her and I marvel at her but it's also her job to push my buttons. She's good at it. The whining thing. The testing thing. The negotiating thing. The monitoring my speed limit when I drive thing. I can honestly (albeit ashamedly) say that when she goes to school, I am a little relieved. It's just hard with her right now. She's four going on about thirteen, and she ignores me half the time and is cheeky another fourth of the time and then she's so completely wonderful and loving and funny the other fourth that I feel MORE guilt. Oh, but that Hurricane Jane! I miss her if she's merely taking a long nap. Sometimes when I go in to check on her at night and I see her, asleep in her mermaid pajamas and her little rump up in the air, I have to stop myself from picking her up, just to feel her little baby self. She's so compact at this age. She hugs so well. I am getting some real one-on-one time with her now that Ana's in school in the mornings. And she's just CHARMING. I took her to the playground the other day and she wanted me to swing on the big girl swing next to her. "That's GREAT swinging, Mama!" she said, encouragingly. (I love the way she always uses everyone's proper names when she is addressing them.) A little bit later, as we sat on the playscape and looked at the full moon still visible in the sky, she turned to me, blue eyes grave and awed. "Boo-ful. It's boo-ful, Mama." I gazed back at her, afraid my heart would burst. "Yes, Jane. It is. Beautiful." I think part of appreciating Jane so much is that I know now how fleeting these days are. Every wonderful stage gives way to something else, and where once I cradled her and leaned over her as she took her first steps, now I'm watching her run away from me into her own world. And after Ana, I knew this was coming, so all the times Jane runs into my arms become that much more precious. I give myself permission to enjoy the view of her little naked behind and the funny way she confuses her pronouns. ("Hold you? Hold you, Mama?") She's given to spontaneously saying, "I luff you, Mama." But I know. I know the day is coming when it will be gone, the last vestiges of her babyhood, almost without me even noticing. Sometimes I watch Ana in this new role as my Independent Big Girl and I just want so much to reach out and pull her into my lap and hold her for a long while. I want to tell her I'm on her side. But I can't. She wouldn't stand for it (or believe me, for that matter.) The other night she came out of her room after bedtime on some pretext and when I tucked her back in, I kissed her. She wiped my kiss off. I guess this is a normal rite of passage, but must they all be such heartbreakers? I thought I was allotted a period of time when I got to be the hero -- what happened? This past summer, after I'd said "No" to her about something, she wanted to go to the grocery store and find a new family and go home with THEM. (I wish I could say I responded with sensitive probing about her feelings but instead I said, "Okay, as soon as you find a new family, I'll drive you right to their house.") The teenage years loom large. So you can see why I prefer, ever so slightly, the uncomplicated relationship I share with the little Hurricane. She who still craves my presence and hugs me with abandon and misses me when I'm away. She who spontaneously started to YODEL in the grocery store a few months ago. (Seriously!) She, who is so responsive to my slightest touch. Who is silly just to make me laugh. Who likes to wear my shoes. Maybe the first two years or so of a child's life are given to us as gifts -so we have a firm foundation of holding them closely that will withstand the next sixteen years of them distancing themselves from us. As Graham Green said, "There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in." I don't actually know that this is the start of the third year, but it would make sense. I don't really want Jane to stay a baby -there are many other wonderful milestones along the way to adulthood. But I am enjoying every minute of it while I can (albeit with a small amount of guilt.) Happy birthday, Smiley Jane. May you always have that sparkle in your eye and that yodel in your heart. Babies are such a nice way to start people. ~Don Herrold To subscribe or unsubscribe to this free e-mail newsletter, send e-mail to barb@sothethingis.com. (Your address will not be used for any other purpose.) If you would like to forward this column on, please do so in its entirety. Feedback welcome. Back issues can be found at http://www.sothethingis.com. (c) Barbara Cooper 2002 About The Author Barb Cooper is the mother of Ana (4.5) and Jane (TWO) and this newsletter entitled "So, the thing is.... She lives in Austin, Texas. barb@sothethingis.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Higher education, with yogaGlobe and Mail, Canada - 15 hours ago... a gymnasium and a 1700-seat varsity centre that can host convocation ceremonies, as well as dozens of dance, fitness and yoga studios. ... |
The medicinal powers of yogaCBC.ca, Canada - Sep 5, 2008But medical research that's been accumulating over the past 10 to 15 years is showing that yoga can provide health benefits that many people may not realize ... |
Reaching out through yogaFort Wayne Journal Gazette, IN - 13 hours agoShe also hopes it can change the world, which is why the Indiana native founded the non-profit Yoga World Reach (www.yogaworldreach.org) in Vail, Colo., ... |
Yoga At Cranberry Lake PreserveWestchester.com, NY - 19 hours agoThen join certified Kripalu Yoga instructor Franklin Shire for an outdoor morning session, Saturday, September 13, 9:30 am at Cranberry Lake Preserve in ... |
Princess Offers In-Room Fitness, Yoga for KidsCruise Critic, NJ - Sep 5, 2008Princess Offers In-Room Fitness, Yoga for Kids Princess Cruises is expanding its onboard spa and fitness offerings. Among them: In an industry first-ever, ... |
Yoga - Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?".
Nail Biting Basics
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.
How to Make a Time Capsule
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve a slice of history by creating a time capsule for your loved one?A personalized time capsule can be made for any special event, such as a birthday, wedding anniversary, graduation or even the birth of a child. Your personally designed time capsule preserves history, popular culture, special memories and can help link generations of a family together.
Single Parenting: How The Challenge Of Single Parenting Affects Your Decision To Divorce
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is unfortunate. According to the US Census Bureau, there were over 20 million single parents in the United States in the year 2000.
So, My Child Has Been Recommended for Testing - What Do I Do Now?
You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As your blood pounds in your ears, you hear her explain how she has noticed your child having difficulty with some academic subject in school.
Choosing Names For Twins
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals rather than a pair. But if you must choose names that go together here are a few suggestions.
We All Wish That Our Children Have Good Virtues, But... Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves?
We all wish that our children should not smoke or drink, should not speak lies, should not steal, should not have a violent nature, etc..
Teaching Problem Solving Skills to Children with ADHD
Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment has lost some momentum lately, the basic strategies and techniques are still worth teaching your children. My favorite version of the technique it the "Five Step Problem Solving Strategy," and it goes something like this.
How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped to bring about a near revolution in the way teachers interact with their young charges.
He later practiced as a psychologist.
Why Creativity and Self-Expression are Important to Little Kids
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider themselves artistic. Parents do, however, worry about their toddler's art abilities.
Some Good News About Blended Families
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a classic stepfamily struggle when she moved from Moscow, Russia to Portland, Ore. and married Leb Tannenbaum: Her three new stepsons weren't very happy to have her in their lives.
My Sweet Little Valentine
Valentine day has always been a special day in my life since Naseer, my husband proposed me to marry him a few years back. Since then, we never missed the chance of cherishing and celebrating every Valentine's Day.
Sibling Rivalry: The Magic Trick That Stops It Instantly
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other,complaining that, "He got a bigger piece of pie," or "Shegot to stay up an hour later last night."When sibling rivalry rears its ugly head, what do you do?Try to reason with the kids? Scream, threaten or punishthem? Ignore it and run for cover?None of these methods is very effective for very long.
Children Need Roots and Wings
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe first time I heard this quote, it made me think.
The Metamorphosis of The Brain: Raising Your child to be a Brainiac
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in early prenatal life (just 3 weeks after conception), the brain's development is a lifelong endevour, endlessly under construction, constantly reshaping and redefining itself based on everyday life and the types of stimulation that we provide for it.
7 Ways to Know Your Child
How well do you really know your child?There is so much information at our fingertips to learn more about a child's personality, 'behaviorisms' and intelligence. Of course, we want to be the best parent we can, and so we read all the information.
Pregnancy and Excercising - 6 Reasons to Excercise During Pregnancy
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising during pregnancy can have additional benefits.
Goal Setting for Kids
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However, teaching kids how to set and achieve goals is not part of most school curriculums, nor is it taught in most homes.
Home For The Holidays: Ask Yourself Some Questions
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her parents. What started out as monthly grocery shopping for them, over the course of 2 years became a full time duty, an overwhelming burden and just about broke her emotionally and financially.
Aquini Potty Training Dolls - A Great Tool For Potty Training!
Corolle Paul or Emma Drink-and-Wet SET potty dollsThis is the very best potty doll we available. This potty doll is a much better value than slightly cheaper potty dolls because it functions perfectly, and will remain a great toy when you are finished potty training.
|
