Parenting
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father. The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children. In more extreme situations, many of the approaches will still be directly useful, and the overall approach is a guide for what the extreme situation needs to come back to. It would also be very useful to attend relationship and/or family counselling to uncover the deeper sources of any family conflict. Main points: - Often, it is the unresolved trauma or early needs in the parents or caregivers that set up the behaviour and feelings of the child, so an absolutely necessary first step is for the caregiver to acknowledge and begin to deal with their own unresolved unconscious processes and reactivity.
- The main thing that children need is to be genuinely liked and delighted-in. They instinctively know your feelings about them. Parents need to arrange their lives so that they have enough opportunity to feel and express delight in their children.
Children have a primary need to be played with, and talked to, with actual connection, imagination to imagination - eg, on the floor, both delighting in the building and toppling of the blocks! The imagination connection has to be real - kids know! It's as real a need as food. - The second most important thing is that the parent's relationship is the priority - not the children. The children need the parents to be the priority as well, as this gives them stability, security and example.
- There is no such thing as "naughty" - there is always a reason for crying and "misbehaving".
- How you want your child to be, you need to be yourself - there is no avoiding this, children are acutely aware of hypocrisy and "natural" justice. Be honest about yourself with them - you don't have to be "perfect", just honest.
- If children are considered as an inhibition on your "lifestyle", there will be problems - they love to be included in what you do (exclusion is very damaging).
It takes much less effort overall, to actually pay real attention to, and to play with children on a genuine level, than to have them continually whining, crying, sulking and demanding. - Be consistent and sparing with commands and discipline - a continual barrage of un-enforced, or inconsistently, enforced "don'ts" just makes children switch off to what you say. (This can be very dangerous, when an especially important "don't" comes along).
It is very important to consistently apply previously stated consequences to any inappropriate behaviour. It is also very important that rules are fair and adhered to by the parents as well. - Fairness is very important. Real, and/or perceived unfairness is probably the main trigger of conflict (even with adults).
- Give children definite, fair, and un-hypocritical limits that are socially acceptable, and as free as possible.
Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as the socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special. - Children are naturally fully intelligent - they are only lacking experience and information.
- Encourage physical and emotional "robustness" so that they can take, and enjoy, whatever textures life has for them. Don't over-protect or smother a child when hurt. Encourage self-reliance by supporting them to help themselves. But beware, this is not an excuse for abuse or neglect, it's a call for diligent, parentally-nurtured self-reliance.
Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with the "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable). - Uninhibited physical contact is very important - avoid imparting your own phobias and obsessions to them. Again, this is not an excuse for abuse - as parents and caregivers we must do the work on ourselves, to become free of our own dysfunction.
- Bring about an awareness and appreciation of beauty.
(A person, who is happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or the planet). - Action and behaviour need to come out of willingness never fear. (Discipline coming out of fear and hate can never allow a person to be "whole" and creative).
- Uninterrupted "daydreaming" has been found to be a crucial element in well-being and growth, because lateral thinking, creativity, and internal connections happen in this mind state. Allow children this space - if they over-daydream, it's possible that there is some unresolved issue in the child's life that needs attending to.
- Avoid trying to "convince" a younger child with "reason", just state your position and hold to it firmly and lovingly.
- Allow children to develop at their own rate, (physically, mentally, and emotionally), while continuing to provide an environment that draws them on.
- Try not to limit a child's exploring - exploring is absolutely natural and necessary.
- Avoid creating conflict with a child by denying them doing what you are doing, or having, yourself - if you can't change your own ways, (to lead by example), then allow them a minimum of what you are doing or having, (while seeming to allow a lot). Conflict born of (perceived) unfairness is a big problem.
Summary - The child needs to be genuinely delighted in.
- No parent is "perfect" - intention, awareness and self-honesty are what are important.
- Parents need to be firm, consistent, non-violent (physically or emotionally), non-materialistic, un-hypocritical and loving.
- No put-downs, no guilt, no devaluing.
About The Author Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology. His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches. Author/illustrator children's books and co-creator of a music CD. Related web site: www.becomereal.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Women with Bay Area roots take yoga to BeijingSan Francisco Chronicle, USA - 16 hours agoThis is the refuge San Francisco native Robyn Wexler and Stanford graduate Mimi Kuo-Deemer envisioned when they opened Yoga Yard, believed to be China's ... |
amNewYork |
After hours yoga classesamNewYork, New York - 3 hours agoBy K. Emily Bond | Special to amNewYork The Laughing Lotus, located on 19th st in Manhattan, hosts "Midnight Yoga" sessions Friday nights. ... |
Boycotting BikramChicago Tribune, United States - 1 hour agoThis is in response to the Bikram Yoga founder (Bikram Choudhury) interview by Julie Deardorff ("Yoga's top dog oversees a hot commodity," Tempo, Aug. 20). ... |
Smitty's NotesWinston-Salem Journal, NC - 22 hours agoAfter nearly seven years of friendly competition, two great yoga studios—with similar styles, philosophies and aesthetics—are combining into one ... |
Events happening in southwestern MichiganKalamazoo Gazette - MLive.com, MI - 8 hours agoThe class links yoga postures with the current of the breath. All levels of experience are welcome. Donations are requested. www.sanghayoga.com. ... |
News in BriefGeorgetown Record, MA - 4 hours agoPGH Kids Yoga studio at 52 Central St., Georgetown, is offering yoga mini camps and classes. For more information, visit www.pghkidsyoga.com or call 978.352 ... |
Events for mothers, children and familiesAlexandria Town Talk, LA - 15 hours agoOffered by J. William Hedrick, MD, a certified Kripalu Yoga Teacher. Parent/Child Classes are Tuesdays at 9 am and Thursdays at 6 pm Each class lasts 60 ... |
Yoga - Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Celebrating Mom: How To Make Every Day Her Special Day!
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love ? mothers are the unsung heroes of everyday life. Although it is hoped that you recognize and celebrate your Mom on a regular basis, her special day-Mother's Day-is soon approaching.
Keeping Your Children Safe
The purpose of this article is to address some of the key points parents need to know in order to keep their children safe.Let them know who can help them:When I was an officer I participated in something called "Safty Town".
Co-Morbidity Rates: Other Problems That May Come With ADHD
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge. Very often the child or teen that comes to the office will have both a neurologically based Attention Deficit Disorder, as well as some other clinical condition that requires treatment.
Disciplining the Wild Child
Do you have a wild child? Then this article may be for you. Do you just blow up when you can't take it any more? Then this article is definitely for you.
The Great Baby Name Debate
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose for your child will last a lifetime. Whether you're looking for something original that will stand out from the crowd or a traditional name that people will instantly recognize, choosing a name for your new baby is a huge responsibility.
Childrens Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It is therefore critical for parents to resolve their differences in matters of children's discipline.
How To Be Your Childs Sex Educator
The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about who should hold the responsibility of educating young people about sex and sexuality. On one side of the spectrum there are those who believe that parents and only parents should be teaching such sensitive and value-fill information to kids.
Drugs and Violence In Public Schools
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children, they can also be dangerous places. These schools are a natural breeding ground for drugs and violence.
The Giving Jar
Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child to give with a happy heart you will raise a child who will never hesitate to lend a helping hand.
Now, Theyre Bullying My Daughter In Our Home: Welcome To Cyber-Bullying
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'.
Children's Birthday Party Planning: When and When Not to Have a Big Party
Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only because this birthday is more for the parents than for the child. At age 1, a child doesn't understand the concept of "Birthday Party.
Cloning; is it for you?
What would it be like to have a clone? What would it be like to be a clone? If you end up cloning yourself you just might have the opportunity to find out what you might do in those shoes, but it takes about 16 years of times on the investment side until the new clone is viable enough and taught enough to perform up to your required ability to propel your goals.As a new founded and more powerful family you may decide you want many of these clones to help.
When Your Childs Adoption Story Changes: Nothing But the Facts or is It Nothing are the Facts?
Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know why your birth family couldn't care for you.""Katie, adopted from China, cherishes an item from a birth parent: a red note that was enclosed with her blanket.
Teaching Kids the Value of Money
My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted to go to a winter retreat with her church youth group last year. Price of trip - $45.
Son, Can I Use The Car Tonight?
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain a time past when kids actually asked to borrow the family car for the evening. Heck, I even recall myself uttering that request to my folks many times.
Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting
I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.
The Child Chef
If you really want to get your children to eat better, and have a better understanding of healthy foods, let them help in the picking and cooking of those foods. When you go shopping, let your children pick out a fruit or vegetable to cook that week.
Misplaced Passion
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys on my back? Will the result of my action be a blessing or a heavy burden?" --Alfred A. MontapertIt's that time of year again.
The Metamorphosis of The Brain: Raising Your child to be a Brainiac
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in early prenatal life (just 3 weeks after conception), the brain's development is a lifelong endevour, endlessly under construction, constantly reshaping and redefining itself based on everyday life and the types of stimulation that we provide for it.
Missing The Bus
As a step daughter and step grand daughter, I followed the examples that were set for me years before when I became a step parent. The way my stepson finally came to love and respect me as his step mother, was through all of the "trying" experiences we had.
|
