Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes
One of the most difficult parts of being a fatheris learning to accept your children's mistakes. Itcertainly can be easy to be loving, supportive,and helpful when your children are mistake-free,but most fathers who are paying attention don'tfind too many mistake-free periods of their children's lives. Let's be clear about our kids and their mistakes.There aren't too many kids who get up in themorning, rub their hands together and say," Iwonder how I can screw up today and really bothermy dad!" Kids don't enjoy or want to make mistakes,it's just one of the ways that they learn aboutthe world. Kids usually try to do their best; but they'redoing their best considering the resources theyhave at the time. Sometimes they're tired,sometimes they're easily distracted, and sometimesthey're strong-willed, but they generally do thebest they can. It's quite easy for us to unfairlyjudge them according to their best efforts in thepast. When our kids make mistakes, we have choices tomake. Fathers can either make choices that help tocreate kids who are defensive and who lie to them?or they can make choices that help to create kidswho can learn from their mistakes and improve uponthem. Kids who fear punishment or the loss of love inresponse to their mistakes learn to hide theirmistakes. These children live in two differentplaces--one place where they have the love andsupport of their father (parents), and anotherwhere they feel that if their mistakes werediscovered, they would be undeserving of thatlove. It's hard for these kids to fully accepttheir parents' love and support even when it isexpressed. It's also difficult for these kids toset high standards for themselves, because theytend to be fearful of failing. These are some ideas for fathers who are committedto helping create kids who can learn from theirmistakes, and who are not afraid of making a few: Absolutely accept the notion that your kids aredoing their best, and that they'll learn fasterabout their mistakes if they are in an environmentthat accepts mistakes. Understand that your difficulty with your kids'mistakes is in fact a reflection of yourdifficulty dealing with your own mistakes; beaware of this and deal with your own issues first. Know the shaming messages that we can all giveso easily to our kids--messages that can do a lotof damage to them and help them to feel unworthy.Here's a few of them: - How could you have done that? - You don't listen to me! - You can do better than that! - What's the matter with you? Keep providing your kids with learningexperiences, but at the same time structure theirenvironment so they can't make too many mistakes(having expensive glassware around the house wherechildren might break it is not their fault). Provide a great model for your children by theway you react to making mistakes: do you getdefensive and stretch the truth, or do you own themistake and learn something from it? Create aculture that's based on learning from mistakes. We only have one chance to show our kids thepatience and discipline necessary to allow them tolearn from the mistakes that we've all made. Youropportunity to improve just started now; give yourkids the room that they need and deserve. Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents byphone to balance their life and improve their familyrelationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Something in the way he livedNewsday, NY - 1 hour agoBY ROBERT KAHN | robert.kahn@newsday.com A Hofstra University professor who studied yoga with George Harrison leads a tribute concert to the late Beatles ... |
Teacher uses yoga to inspire studentsSun-Sentinel.com, FL - 2 hours ago"Yoga is a powerful tool to help students and teachers relieve stress and gain inner strength and concentration," she said. "The sessions are brief, ... |
Yoga in a chairLouisville Courier-Journal, KY - 1 hour agoBy Darla Carter • dcarter@courier-journal.com • November 20, 2008 If the idea of getting down on the floor to strike a yoga pose makes you say, "Ouch! ... |
Yoga Could be DangerousKUTV, UT - 11 hours agoAt first glance, yoga may look hard, even painful. And if you are not careful, you could really hurt yourself. Studies show that yoga can help you gain ... |
Ventura Harbor Village hosts outdoor yogaVentura County Reporter, CA - 4 hours agoBy Alex Wilson 11/20/2008 Yoga enthusiasts mix their routines with sunshine, ocean air and views of sailboats gliding by during a series of “Gentle Outdoor ... |
Yoga - Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Ten Tips to Stimulate Your Newborns Senses
A number of scientific studies have shown the way a baby uses her senses in the early months of life is crucial to future development. A baby, whose senses are stimulated develop a sharper memory, inquisitiveness and a better concentration.
Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids
Demanding children - children who have entitlement issues - seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted ("I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!"), we hear many children today uttering the fairly constant refrain, "I want ?.
Hurting from the Outside - In: The Rise of Self-harming
Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing trend they are seeing in teens today is, and they are likely to tell you it's the growing number of "cutters".By cutters, they mean people who hurt themselves or "self-injure" a term that is more encompassing of the many types of behaviors that are actually involved.
Using Pocket-money To Promote Independence In Kids
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether it should be earned or only given when children behave well.My belief is that children should receive pocket-money as their small share of the family-wealth just as they should share the workload at home.
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid ThemDid you know1 out of 5 kids has been sexually solicited online1 out of 4 kids has been sent a picture of naked people or people having sex onlinethat May 21, 2002 there was the first death of a child linked directly to an Internet Predator?Parents' biggest concern about the Internet used to be pornography, but there is definitely a greater fear today.You have probably taught your child not to talk to strangers, and in many situations, they would remember this.
Banishing Bedtime Blues
"My son won't go to bed at night without a struggle. He keeps getting up with all kinds of excuses.
10 Reasons Why You Need to Ditch the Super Mom Syndrome
For any of you Moms out there that are doing it all, attempting to gain Super Mom status, let me give you my own personal opinion?It's not worth it!!! The pursuit of the Super Mom is an endless search that will be of great cost to you in the end. Here are 10 reasons why you need to put an immediate halt to this pursuit.
No, No, No -- What Else is a Parent to Say?
The word no is probably the most overused word in the English language. I speak from experience since I myself use it frequently.
Give Your Child the Gift of Self-Esteem
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in truth every child is born with unlimited potential. As expressed so well by Orison Marden:"Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action.
Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?
Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do you have a profession?"To enter a profession, you invested an enormous amount of time, energy and money. Then you put great effort into earning the respect of clients and colleagues.
Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Traps to Avoid
4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize the trap that is being set when your kids ask,"Well, why can't I (fill in the blank)?"Many well-intentioned parents then proceed to give a well-reasoned response and then wonder why the kids blow up and don't accept it.Here's a response I believe a parent will never get:"Thank you for that explanation Mom and Dad.
Teenagers in America Today
"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in the newspaper. That's the name of my radio program here in California's central valley.
Kids, Chores & More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is easier to take the garbage out yourself than to keep nagging your son? Do you wonder what kind of employee he will become since he doesn't always follow through at home? Is it worth the effort on your part to insist that he do his share? The answer is a resounding Yes!The lessons of life and self that we want our children to learn in our homes are not only the practical ones, such as making a bed, sewing on a button or cooking a meal. They include intangible benefits as well; it is equally important for children to learn the art of cooperation, the satisfaction of finishing a job, the ease in following a schedule and the value of sticking with a task.
A Man and His Baby
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow everything in life is stable and normal. People hold open doors, hard shopkeepers "chuck" and go all gooey before catching themselves and generally life is an easy ride.
Parenting Your Teenager: Teens and Violence
I have a bit of a different response than most therapists to the often asked question:"How can all this teen violence be happening?"My questions are:"How could this not be happening"and"Why doesn't it happen even more often?"Here's what I mean by these questions - although there are many more factors involved, just consider these three:1) kids listen to increasingly violent music, see increasingly violent movies and TV shows, and play increasingly violent video games. All of these without any focus on the real life, long term consequences of violence.
Raising Boys
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness of the issues surrounding boys in most of the western world. It is common knowledge that boys lead the way in all the wrong statistics, including; problematic behaviours, learning difficulties and health problems.
Playful Parenting - More than Just Fun and Games
Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents believe their children should be doing something more productive than merely having fun.
What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work.Going through the process of divorce is a challenging life transition for both parents and children.
Twins - Double The Trouble Or Double The Pleasure? Both!
If You're Having Twins..
Im a Mom, Shes a Mom: Being an Adult with Your Parents
On one of her quarterly visits to see her grandson, my three-year-old son, my mother ignores the available front seat of the car, crowds into the back next to the car seat and promptly unwraps a lollipop. Feeling the tension rising, I recall the numerous conversations where I so proudly tell my mother how I keep sugar away from my son.
|
