Helpful Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent. Grandchildren are one of life's joys, whether they come by birth or via adoption. All grandchildren are loved equally and are equally lovable. When a new family member is adopted, share your excitement. Share snapshots. Exclaim about the traits that make this child a prodigy! And know that adoption brings some unique challenges. Following are a few suggestions for navigating once you find you are a member of a complex family. People are fascinated by adoption, and this fascination can lead well-meaning friends and neighbors to pose very personal questions. Remember that a child's adoption story is akin to a conception story. It is private, and one should consult with the adopted person before sharing the details. Think about language, and encourage others to do so. As an adopted person, I have heard this question all my life: "Have you ever met your real parents?" What this said to me as a child was, "Your adoptive parents are fake." As an adult, I answer, "I was raised by my real parents." It's a good idea to call the family of origin birth family (as in birth mother) as opposed to natural family (which implies the adoptive family is unnatural or artificial). Many people will have the best of intentions but use terms that confuse or hurt children. If your family adopted internationally, you have become a member of a transcultural and often transracial complex family. Translated into day-to-day events, this means you might celebrate Chinese New Year in addition to the traditional holidays. Unfortunately, this also means that your grandchild will be confronted by bigotry and will need your support and sensitivity. Your lifetime of experiences will be key in shaping your responses. Be wholly honest. Remember, throughout, that your grandchildren are connected to you and to the family. They may not look a lot like you or your child, but they will develop similar voice patterns, talents, tastes, and interests. Don't assume the adopted child will automatically know this-it took me 45 years to figure out that I got, first, my dry sense of humor from my adoptive father, and, second, my ability to 'stretch and save' from my grandmother, a North Carolina farmer. Every Carolina reunion I attend reminds me that genetics are not the only way to pass on family traits. At a recent reunion, I was introduced to my mother's best childhood friend. They hadn't seen each other in over 60 years. The friend inspected me closely and stated, "You sure don't look like a Haney." I smiled back, shook my head, and said, "I sure don't." I knew what she really wanted to know. But at that moment I was completely my mother's daughter. By Beth O'Malley, M.Ed. Copyright ©2005, Beth O'Malley. Ms. O'Malley is an adoptee and adoption social worker, and the author of Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child. Sign up for lifebook lessons at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/signup.htm - no charge.
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New class at North Shore Yoga designed for childrenChattanooga Times Free Press, TN - 7 hours agoA children’s yoga class unravels more noisily than adult versions of this ancient Indian practice. “There are a lot of active poses,” said Claire Mooney, ... |
Something in the way he livedNewsday, NY - 3 hours agoBY ROBERT KAHN | robert.kahn@newsday.com A Hofstra University professor who studied yoga with George Harrison leads a tribute concert to the late Beatles ... |
Yoga in a chairLouisville Courier-Journal, KY - 3 hours agoBy Darla Carter • dcarter@courier-journal.com • November 20, 2008 If the idea of getting down on the floor to strike a yoga pose makes you say, "Ouch! ... |
Teacher uses yoga to inspire studentsSun-Sentinel.com, FL - 4 hours ago"Yoga is a powerful tool to help students and teachers relieve stress and gain inner strength and concentration," she said. "The sessions are brief, ... |
Yoga Could be DangerousKUTV, UT - 13 hours agoAt first glance, yoga may look hard, even painful. And if you are not careful, you could really hurt yourself. Studies show that yoga can help you gain ... |
Ventura Harbor Village hosts outdoor yogaVentura County Reporter, CA - 6 hours agoBy Alex Wilson 11/20/2008 Yoga enthusiasts mix their routines with sunshine, ocean air and views of sailboats gliding by during a series of “Gentle Outdoor ... |
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