Pet Loss Can Be Just As Devastating!
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a cat, for God'ssake!' I'll never forget the wracking sobs of the girl sittingbefore me, and the disbelief on the face of the mother whouttered these words. I was a Guidance Counsellor in a city high school, and thegirl's performance had slumped in recent weeks. Her mothercouldn't believe it might possibly be related to the loss ofthe girl's pet cat. It became obvious that there wasn't much of a bond betweenmother and daughter. So over the years the girl's need toreceive and GIVE affection had been transferred to her cat.Now that the cat had passed on, the girl was devastated. What made matters worse was her mother's total lack ofinsight. Studies carried out by veterinary associations in the UKsuggest that most kids will have a pet of some kind at sometime: cats, dogs, mice, hamsters - whatever! - and it's probably the same in other countries. Since kids' pets are so common, it's well for parents tobe awareof the impact they can have on their children's lives. Psychologists talk of the 'human - companion animal bond', which can be as strong as any human-to-human bond. Oreven stronger, as in the case of the girl above. So when the loss, illness or death of a pet occurs, theimpact can be just as devastating. Many families (parents as well as kids) will be familiarwith the grief and devastation brought on by the death of afaithful dog. But some parents think that the death of a mouse or fish isno big deal. It's a tiny animal, so no great loss! They fail to realise that the attachment or BOND betweenchild and animal is not measured by the animal's size! It'sthe level of emotional investment that counts. In fact we now know that the reaction to a pet's death cango through exactly the same process as that of the loss of aloved one. - Denial (No, he'll be okay. He can't havedied!)
- Bargaining (If I get him back I'll look after himproperly this time!)
- Anger (It's the vet's fault. OR I should havedone this or that!)
- Grief (There's a void in my life now!)
- Moving On (He'll always be in my heart, but I'mcoping now)
How can we help our kids cope with this complex process?Obviously, the first thing is to recognise the impact of theloss, and we can learn from the example of the mother above. It also goes without saying that we must encourage our kidsto express their grief and explore their feelings. And we must also recognise the value of a 'rite of passage'.This is a ceremony, simple or otherwise, whereby the participants realise they have moved from one situation or status to another. Following the death of a pet, this can be a burial or amemorial ceremony. As parents we MUST attend - it's not somesimple game the kids are playing in the backyard! It's a deeply emotional, psychological coming to terms witha potentially devastating loss. Encourage the kids, then, to treat it seriously. Let thempick or buy flowers. Let them draw pictures, write poems and/or sing songs. Let them say prayers of gratitude for thecompanionship they enjoyed. Let them express their grief! Then, at all costs, avoid the temptation to supply a'replacement' pet. Kids must have time to EXPERIENCE thevoid, so that they can come to terms with it and in due timemove on. At that point 'another' pet (not a 'replacement') can beconsidered. Experiencing both the joys and loss of a pet can be a soundemotional training for the unpredictability of life. By treating this aspect of their childhood seriously andsensitively we can do our kids an immense favour. Happy parenting! Why do some parents and children succeed, while othersfail?Frank McGinty is an internationally published author andteacher. If you want to develop your parentingskills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.htmland http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html.
MORE RESOURCES:
Gaga over yogaCalgary Herald, Canada - 17 hours agoNot that an activity that is this much in vogue needs me to defend it, but I've actually heard people slagging yoga. There is no shortage of Garfield types ... |
Johnson turns to yogaThe Press Association - 14 hours agoManchester City midfielder Michael Johnson is having yoga sessions in a bid to cure his nagging pelvic problems. Johnson, who signed a new five-year ... |
Eagle County teens tap into yogaVail Daily News, CO - 1 hour agoDogma Athletica's Amy Baker leads student athletes from Vail Ski and Snowboard Club Vail in a yoga pose that practices balance and stretches the shoulder ... |
Kahmic Yoga With Yogi GHamptons.com, NY - 8 hours agoThe charismatic Yogi G, spiritual funnyman and purveyor of Kahmic Yoga, offers one more session in the Hamptons before his NYC debut. ... |
New yoga studio opens in FentonFenton Tri County Times, MI - 11 hours agoWhether or not you have ever tried yoga, there’sa yoga class just waiting for you at Dibbleville Yoga. Located at 302 S. LeRoy St. in Fenton, this new yoga ... |
Stressed out execs seek relief in YogaEconomic Times, India - Oct 12, 2008Corporates too are becoming proactive and invite yoga consultants to hold workshops and classes in offices. “Such activities help build a good working ... |
Yoga - Google News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Late Night Adventures with Your Children
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are "simply marvelous".
A Night Out For Mom & Dad
Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family member?It is Saturday night and you have planned for a babysitter to entertain and care for your children while you have a date with your spouse. Aaaahhhh adult time! Your sitter arrives and greets the kids and your eager dog.
Parenting---Roots and Wings
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article.
Children are People, Not Machines
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay attention to the details." That saying became very real to me in the area of parenting.
Parental Internet Control Tips
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all time. Parental Internet Control will protect our loved ones from internet filth like pornography and hate material just a click away.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What is Impulsivity?
Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This impulsivity is the result of the brain's decreased ability to inhibit.
My Children
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years. My kids were 3, 7, 12 and 14 when my ex left.
Create Your Dream Family
There has been much attention in the media of late on the transformation of families, Dr Phil's Phenomenal Family Series and Super Nanny to name a few. I recently had the pleasure of being featured on a radio program, Coaching Corners in New York in which I spoke about creating your dream family by becoming the parent you want to be.
I Dont Believe in ADHD
O.K.
New Baby - Relax and Become a Yummy Mummy
Lets face it becoming a mum is a bit of a shock at first, to say the least. Sleepless nights and eventful days make it a struggle to get a shower and wash your hair in the morning, never mind applying make up and fiddling with volume brushes and hairdryers.
Nothing Like a Mothers Love
Travel is a common theme in my life -- probably started with the family vacation we took every year when I was young. But in all my travels, I have seen another universal theme, a common symbol of unity, love and Peace.
Best Tips for Stress Free Child Party Games
When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit of organisation will go a long way. A good selection of child party games will keep the group interested and the party running smoothly.
The ADHD Parents Guide: Questions for the School
Here is something that you might want to keep if you are thinking about changing your child's school next fall or if you are planning to have your child tested by the school in the near future. Let me say this, if you are planning to have your child tested by your district, do not put off doing the paperwork.
Toxic Chemicals, Are Your Children Being Exposed?
You do what you can to keep your little ones safe and healthy in this world we live in. You put your household cleaners out of reach and make sure the front door is securely locked.
Finding Answers to Underachievement
Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult and complex process. Let intuition be your guide, knowing when and how to ask the right questions.
Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused about what they have a right to know about their teens.The question I often get goes something like this:"We want to know where our 16-year-old son is going to be, and who he is with.
Couch Potatoes Beware!
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight children are generally quite poor. And this is only exacerbated by the teasing and ridicule of their peers - a situation that, in these post-Columbine days, can result in much more than hurt feelings.
Just Average
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good enough?That's what came out in Joshua's report card recently. Looking back, I wasn't too bright a child either.
Parenting: 6 Observations on Fatherhood
Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I old enough to call you Dad?"Won't be long now before he is asking for the car keys..
Normal and Logical Consequences
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind at the same time. They set boundaries and work with their children to help them understand that they will follow through with appropriate action if inappropriate behavior continues.
|
